The ups and downs of studying abroad

So it's been awhile since my last post. To be honest, I haven't been posting because I haven't been having the best time. "But you're in Paris! You're living the dream!" Is what many people say to me. However, Paris is a completely different place when you are a foreigner who is trying to LIVE here and fit in. It seems like no matter what I do, I stick out like a sore thumb, which can be incredibly frustrating and discouraging. This leads to a great amount of insecurity and makes me never want to leave my apartment. In addition, it NEVER stops raining, which is something I'm not used to. With staying in my apartment, I tend to lose sight of where I am and forget that I live in a huge, beautiful city full of history. Whenever I get the courage or drive to explore the city, I fall in love with it all over again and remember why I am here. But it is hard to see the beauty of the city when I am constantly underground on the metro, going to and from school, and my eyes are clouded with the haze of the immense stress that I am constantly under. I am struggling with feelings of sadness, anxiety, and the intense desire to go home on quite a regular basis; but, this is something I have to do and I know I would regret it if I went home early. I feel like I am still in the culture shock/homesickness phase, so I am praying that these feelings will pass. I don't mean to totally shoot Paris to hell. I have really awesome days too, but lately it's just been more bad ones. I will get through this though and I'm sure I will look back on this experience fondly. I would never just quit when things get tough, especially when I have wanted to do this for so long and have made a commitment. Right now I just need to take it one day at a time. I am looking forward to falling in love with the city again. For example, today was actually a very good day. I had my History of Paris class, which is a class where the first half is lecture and the second half is touring around the city to different historical sights. The reason today was so great was because we went to le Jardin du Luxembourg, which has been my favorite place in the whole city since Day #1. It was overcast (of course), but not rainy, so it was a beautiful autumn day in the city. I saw a part of the park that I had never seen before and really enjoyed it. I also had a really great evening au pairing with Solene. She continues to be my little ray of sunshine in this bleak city.

I will never get used to the view from my apartment.

Eglise Saint-Sulpice

 

Otherwise, classes are going well. Since all of my classes are "Francais Langue pour Etrangeres" (French Language for Foreigners) classes, I have met people from ALL over the world. It is really awesome that we can all communicate despite our vastly diverse backgrounds. My comprehension is improving greatly because all of my classes are conducted completely in French, which is awesome. I am learning something new everyday. As long as I can get through this culture shock/homesickness phase, everything will be close to perfect! This experience has caused me to experience absolutely every emotion possible, although overwhelming, it's kind of great because all of these emotions make me feel more alive than ever. Despite the persistent stress and sadness, I know I can do nothing but grow from this experience.