Despite the fact that nothing of great significance has happened recently, I feel incredibly compelled to write a blog. Perhaps the wine has gone to my head, and that is the reason for my inspiration, but regardless of my reasons, here we go.
Some days, I feel as if France has taken away everything that was important to me. Which in a sense is the truth; however, the key word is "was"... Before coming here, I believed that my life was perfect. And that was correct, because at that point in time, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. However, my dear friend, Talia, said something quite a few weeks ago that really stuck with me while she was comforting me through a rough patch. She said: "We wouldn't have come to France if we didn't feel like we were missing something in our lives".
Don't get me wrong, I love my life back in California. I have an incredibly loving, supportive family, a strong core group of friends, and a country-style life which I crave. I had a magical childhood full of love which continued into my adulthood. However, my life in the small town of Placerville was all that I knew, and I was always curious about what the rest of the world had to offer. Of course I had an idea of what the rest of the world was like, through history books, television and novels, but I never knew what it was like first-hand. That is what I was missing in life. Had I not gone through with this experience, I would have been left wondering "What if..." for the rest of my life. Growing up, I would constantly complain about living in the country. "It's so BORING!"; "I HATE IT!"; "I can't WAIT to live in the city!!" is what I would say. My parents would always tell me that I was lucky to grow up in the country, and that I would appreciate it when I was older, but I never believed them. And as much as it pains me to say this....it pains me SO MUCH (as I'm sure it would to any daughter or son, because we always think we know everything), my parents were right....they told me so.....
I love living in the Paris....so much. And I can honestly say that I love my life and will be genuinely sad to leave the city. The night life is thrilling, the food is to die for, the language is beautiful, the fast-paced lifestyle is exciting, and there is never a dull moment. However, after experiencing this lifestyle, I have realized that it is not what I want with the rest of my life. I love the city....but only for a given amount of time. I can't picture the rest of my life without: seeing the stars every night, breathing the fresh air every day, sleeping through the night without being awoken by the sound of a siren or honking car, walking down the street without being ran into or being at risk of being harassed or grabbed, having the choice of hiking or kayaking at any given moment (!!!), having bonfires. All of these things I took for granted until I came here. Which is why I am so grateful that I came to Paris. I would have continued taking my life in the country for granted, because I would not know how great I had it. I would have continued dreaming of what could have been, all the while resenting my life for not taking chances and experiencing other environments. This resentment would have left me blind to how great my life already was.
Now I know that I would rather look forward to a few days/weeks/months in the city while permanently living in the country. As long as the city had an expiration date.
Returning to California will definitely be a bitter-sweet experience. I will really miss the city life and all of the beautiful people who I have been so lucky to meet; however, I will be beyond excited to return to the life which I hold so close to my heart.
I suppose I am jumping ahead of myself though; I still have about 5 months left in this amazing experience. I apologize for rambling and for any incoherency in this post. I really shouldn't post things after a few glasses of wine. I just had a lot on my mind and wanted to be honest with those who I love. I might end up deleting this post (in fact, it's quite probable), but we shall see.
On another note, I leave for Amsterdam tomorrow. So you can look forward to a blog post with more significance in a few days!!
No comments:
Post a Comment