La culpabilité

After living in France for over 5 months, I finally left the country and went to the lovely land of Amsterdam, Holland! Unfortunately, I did not take my usual amount of pictures because the weather was quite dismal. Lots of intense snow which caused us to run from building to building. Despite the less than ideal weather, it was still a great time in a beautiful city.

We spent most of our time exploring the city and stopping in various shops that piqued our interest. Amsterdam is definitely a different culture. It was crazy to see how certain things were so socially accepted.

 

 

We went to a Van Gogh exhibition which included copies of all of Van Gogh's work, including those which were stolen, missing, or destroyed. It also included little booths where one could see certain pieces in 3D, which was interesting.

The stolen pieces were displayed in safes.

 

 



The experience that had the greatest impact on me was when we visited the Anne Frank House. Unfortunately, photos were not allowed, so I did not document this part of the trip. We took a tour of the entire house. We started in the factory downstairs, walked up the steep staircases, through the hidden door behind the original bookcase and up into the hiding place. It was absolutely insane to walk through the same rooms where the whole family spent years in darkness. Going into Anne Frank's bedroom and seeing the magazine clippings that she had glued onto the walls to "brighten up the place" sent chills up my spine. The whole tour was a really intense experience. It left me with a very heavy feeling afterward, but I am so grateful that I got to have this opportunity.

On a totally different note, another experience that was completely mind-blowing was going through the Red Light District on our last night in Amsterdam. I had always heard stories of there being prostitutes standing in windows for sale, but it was a completely different thing seeing it. They were all young, pretty girls, which made me wonder what had brought them to this lifestyle. How did they get there? Nevertheless, it was a very lively, interesting street where we stopped into a bar to have one last drink.

 



We checked out of our hotel at 11 am, went to breakfast and then I had to catch my train back home at Central Station.

Our hotel and the street it was on.

By the end of the trip I was really excited at the fact that I was actually feeling homesick for Paris. I had a really great time in Amsterdam, and it was absolutely lovely to spend time with an old friend from home, but I felt my heart being pulled back to Paris. I really needed to get out of Paris for a bit to realize how much I love it. The moment I stepped off the train and was back in Paris, I took a huge sigh of relief. These are my metros, my streets, my people. This is where I belong.

Poison & Wine

Despite the fact that nothing of great significance has happened recently, I feel incredibly compelled to write a blog. Perhaps the wine has gone to my head, and that is the reason for my inspiration, but regardless of my reasons, here we go.

Some days, I feel as if France has taken away everything that was important to me. Which in a sense is the truth; however, the key word is "was"... Before coming here, I believed that my life was perfect. And that was correct, because at that point in time, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. However, my dear friend, Talia, said something quite a few weeks ago that really stuck with me while she was comforting me through a rough patch. She said: "We wouldn't have come to France if we didn't feel like we were missing something in our lives".

Don't get me wrong, I love my life back in California. I have an incredibly loving, supportive family, a strong core group of friends, and a country-style life which I crave. I had a magical childhood full of love which continued into my adulthood. However, my life in the small town of Placerville was all that I knew, and I was always curious about what the rest of the world had to offer. Of course I had an idea of what the rest of the world was like, through history books, television and novels, but I never knew what it was like first-hand. That is what I was missing in life. Had I not gone through with this experience, I would have been left wondering "What if..." for the rest of my life. Growing up, I would constantly complain about living in the country. "It's so BORING!"; "I HATE IT!"; "I can't WAIT to live in the city!!" is what I would say. My parents would always tell me that I was lucky to grow up in the country, and that I would appreciate it when I was older, but I never believed them. And as much as it pains me to say this....it pains me SO MUCH (as I'm sure it would to any daughter or son, because we always think we know everything), my parents were right....they told me so.....

I love living in the Paris....so much. And I can honestly say that I love my life and will be genuinely sad to leave the city. The night life is thrilling, the food is to die for, the language is beautiful, the fast-paced lifestyle is exciting, and there is never a dull moment. However, after experiencing this lifestyle, I have realized that it is not what I want with the rest of my life. I love the city....but only for a given amount of time. I can't picture the rest of my life without: seeing the stars every night, breathing the fresh air every day, sleeping through the night without being awoken by the sound of a siren or honking car, walking down the street without being ran into or being at risk of being harassed or grabbed, having the choice of hiking or kayaking at any given moment (!!!), having bonfires. All of these things I took for granted until I came here. Which is why I am so grateful that I came to Paris. I would have continued taking my life in the country for granted, because I would not know how great I had it. I would have continued dreaming of what could have been, all the while resenting my life for not taking chances and experiencing other environments. This resentment would have left me blind to how great my life already was.

Now I know that I would rather look forward to a few days/weeks/months in the city while permanently living in the country. As long as the city had an expiration date.

Returning to California will definitely be a bitter-sweet experience. I will really miss the city life and all of the beautiful people who I have been so lucky to meet; however, I will be beyond excited to return to the life which I hold so close to my heart.

I suppose I am jumping ahead of myself though; I still have about 5 months left in this amazing experience. I apologize for rambling and for any incoherency in this post. I really shouldn't post things after a few glasses of wine. I just had a lot on my mind and wanted to be honest with those who I love. I might end up deleting this post (in fact, it's quite probable), but we shall see.

On another note, I leave for Amsterdam tomorrow. So you can look forward to a blog post with more significance in a few days!!

Day trip to Chartres, France

Today was a lovely day. Jovanni, Danielle and I decided to get out of the city and take a day trip to the quaint little town of Chartres. It's only about an hour away by train, but we wanted to get there early, so we got up at the crack of dawn. Luckily, I took my daily cocktail of various vitamins and a big cup of my intense, French-pressed coffee, so I was ready to GO!

From the very first step out of my apartment building, I knew it was going to be a good day. At 6:45 on a Sunday morning, there was not a soul to be seen on the streets (VERY rare for Paris). The snow was delicately falling from the sky and lay untouched and perfect on the streets and sidewalks. It was perfectly silent and peaceful as I walked to the metro.

We met at the Starbucks in the station, boarded the train at Montparnasse and were on our way!




Some lasted longer than others....

 

Quote #1 of the Day

Danielle: "Wait, are we out of Paris now?!" (after the train had moved about 500 metres....)

 

The train ride was really quick, and before we knew it, we were in Chartres! The snow was really coming down and remained quite steady throughout the day!

 



 

Being back in a small town was incredibly refreshing for me and left me feeling all giddy. Small, quiet towns are definitely more my speed. Paris leaves me overwhelmed at times.

 

 

 

 

The first thing we did was walk to the main square in front of the famous Cathedral, Notre Dame de Chartres. Danielle and Jovanni promptly flopped on the ground and made snow angels (the first one ever for Jovanni!!).

 



 

 

Then, we really wanted to go inside the cathedral because it is famous for having some of the prettiest stained glass. We were lucky enough to sneak in and enjoy a wonderful Sunday service. After the service was over, we explored the cathedral and saw the windows in all their glory!

 



 

 

After church, we explored the adorable town some more. It is an incredibly quiet town (plus it was Sunday, so things are always quieter), which I found very peaceful.

 



 

Quote #2 of the Day

Danielle: "Oh my gosh, it's totally like Harry Potter. Let's go get Butterbeer!"

 

By then, it was around lunchtime, so we stopped by a little boulangerie, grabbed quiches and pizzas and continued our exploring.We seriously walked around the entire town and by the time we were done making the rounds, our bodies were FREEZING and we were in desperate need of shelter. We found an adorable brasserie and took sanctuary there. We sat at a beautiful bar and enjoyed espressos(then Danielle and I decided to go for seconds and get chocolat chaud and cafe creme). We sat in there for quite a while, thawing out and watching the snow fall outside the window. Finally, we decided to brave the cold and continue our journey.

 



 

Quote #3 of the Day

Danielle: "I love how the snow feels! It's like I'm walking on corn starch!"

Me: "Oh yes, I remember when I used to walk on corn starch...."

 

We walked and walked and twirled in some snow...

 

 ...until we discovered a park of some kind. It was a semi-wooded area where we had a glorious snowball fight and attempted to make snowmen and snowangels. Jovanni and I also continued to try and push Danielle over, because she was the only one who hadn't slipped and fallen in the snow yet.

 



 

Afterward, we discovered a garden behind the cathedral which was a beautiful area.



Quote #4 of the Day

Danielle: "Wait, is this where Beauty and the Beast took place?"

 

And that's when my camera battery died :)

 

We made our way back to the train station at around 3pm and were back in the city a little after 4. It was a beautiful day full of great, positive energy. Thank you, Danielle and Jovanni, for making my day so absolutely wonderful. You girls are so full of light and I love you both so much. I am so glad that I got to spend this gorgeous day with you two, it was so special. 

La Haine

So as many of you know, I live right across the street from the Champ de Mars (which is the park right underneath the Eiffel Tower). It's a popular spot for various events, concerts, etc. This morning I woke up to the sound of pretty music playing, so naturally I got really excited and ran down to check it out. Unfortunately, it was not a happy event like I was expecting. It was the manifestation against gay marriage. Suddenly, thousands of chanting rioters started flooding into the park, and I was right in the middle of it. There were riot police everywhere and it was pure chaos! I was so saddened and disappointed by this group of people that I had to get out of my neighborhood as soon as possible.

 

 

Because of the riot, my metro stop was closed down, so at the end of the day on my way home I had to get off at the stop before and walk a bit farther to get home. It was very stressful to navigate my way through the crowds of shouting people in the rain. After escaping my town all day, I have returned to my apartment and the manifestation continues. I am blasting my music as loud as possible to drown out the sounds of beating drums and chants. What saddened me the most was seeing all of the children alongside their parents, holding signs and chanting. It made me really angry at the parents for bringing their kids into it and manifesting hate. There is so much negative energy surrounding my apartment right now and I am very disappointed in France's lack of progression at the moment.